Are you craving some adventure?

While we deftly avoided many pitfalls of world travel, rancid chicken injected us, unexpectedly, through the chaotic bowels of SE Asian urgent healthcare. Now, I know what you're thinking: That must have blown. For six days it did, quite explosively, however, to keep my mantra of positivity elevated from mere mortality and the uh....infestation of ravenous parasites eating me alive, I meditated on the hospital's 4'6 wooden slab(the bed) and was Enlightened.

My epiphany : real adventure tourism in Asia! No, I'm not referring to pedestrian kiteboading or scuba-diving. Thrill-seekers: Unleash your attentions from boring activities confined by pesky safety standards and regulations...This is revolutionary.

Still a best-kept secret, the most suspense-filled rides in SE Asia are had by devouring contaminated street-delicacies and checking-in to backwater hospitals. Many boast peeling, yellowed walls, dank communal rooms and antique medical equipment adding a touch of old-world charm to modern excitement. Also, forget the sanitation guards for thermometers and other potentially-infectious devices! Don't worry, bothersome, time-consuming WHO standards won't inhibit fearing for your life.

Shaving years off your longevity and appearance in the quest for adventure has never been easier or more uncomfortable. Be the envy of other extreme sport activists with a cool haggard appearance, stress-induced heart-palpitations and newly greyed hair. Stories of mountaineering in the Andes can't compare to being injected with Hep A B and C by the same smiling nurse in the hospital!

Poorly-trained staff will lead a confusing exchange of questioning and miscommunication in broken English before haphazardly-inflicting healthcare sure to terrify and hopefully ( wink-wink) death-defy.

Why limit your vacation gambles to a few seconds on a bungee cord when there're days, even weeks, of exhillaration from the questionable pratices of medical neophytes? As seconds tick painfully by, satisfy a "need for speed" by quickly dodging air-filled syringes and mis-prescribed medications while resisting total physical deterioration. Hard-core participants can grant the trainee's constant, fruitless harpoons for blood samples and IVs, receiving in return swollen, bruised masses of perforated vein tissue.

You heard it here first : Remote Asian hospitals are the newest conquest for the machismo adrenaline junkie. What's ballsy-er than a zero chance of survival?